May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
