I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
