There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
