How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
