fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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