Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
