Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
