it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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