You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
