I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
