She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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