Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have officially lost it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
two words...techno handjob
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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