The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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