your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
