Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
