help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just crazy horny about you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
