My brain says no but my pants say off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
