Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
