Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
