Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
