ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
