Swine flu. Run for my life!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
