You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize