Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
