The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
