You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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