It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
