Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
