Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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