I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I will pee on everything he values.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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