Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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