Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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