I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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