she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
