So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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