Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
