Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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