Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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