I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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