so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
