Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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