no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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