so that wasnt chicken after all
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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