But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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