dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
