his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
