He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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