He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
