i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
