i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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