I got chris browned last night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize