There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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