I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
