I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
