apparently the secret to your success is patron
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
