My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize