Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
