I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
