I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
