well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
