They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked at my own cervix.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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