Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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