I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize