i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
