So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
