11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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