I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
