so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
