I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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