whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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