Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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