So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
