fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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