I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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