"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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