i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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