PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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