just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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