Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
