Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize