I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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