awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
