I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
