I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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