Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize