I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
