i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
