if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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