i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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