Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Me. At least after what I've been through.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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