she woke up with a sticky ear
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
