I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm too high and old for this...
I need water and some morals
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
