My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
