i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
