porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
