My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
