Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
