Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
