one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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