yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
