He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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