She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
